There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
