Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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