You really coming over, don't trick.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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