I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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