Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
