The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Terrible idea I love it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
