you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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