is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's always time for handjobs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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