Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
