You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
