Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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