____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
