I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
