Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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