Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
