My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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