census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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