You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
