so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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