i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
