Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
