my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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