I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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