I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Your dad touched me again.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
