he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there's paper in my vomit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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