I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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