I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
