this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
