Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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