How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
