He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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