Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
