Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
