really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
