I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
