Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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