Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
