I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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