if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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