Screwed.edu
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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