She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
