I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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