his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
