The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
