my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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