I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
