All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
