Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize