she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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