The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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