The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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