i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
