From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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