And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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