Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
