i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
