so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
