At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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