i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
