I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
