the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
