This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you had me at cake vodka
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
