Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize