Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
