I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
