He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
